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Posts from the ‘Music’ Category

August break: Nightswimming

Do you really think I’m going to end this post without suggesting you listen to arguably ? That is one lovely, wistful ballad.

Letting Go

I’m feeling kind of shaky today. My two older sons are with their dad and granddad in the wilderness of Yellowstone Park on a pack trip. Horses and tents and campfires, the real deal. This also means no cell phones. I thought I’d be alright with this, but I woke up this morning with a lump in my throat and an empty pain in my gut. Was it the I saw before I clicked off the light last night? First one since 1986 in Yellowstone.

You know how your children sound so much littler on the phone? Far away, high munchkin voices pressed to your ear. Umbilical cord still intact through the ether. It’s been 36 hours. My boys are in the woods, off the grid, unreachable.

I hold onto that idea that the path to freedom is mostly about letting go. That it’s not easy, but when we walk through the painful, hard stuff with an open heart, we get to walk out somehow feeling expansive and free. This is what the wise ones keep telling us. They must be right because that’s the way it always happens for me, when I’m brave enough. Right now I’m not feeling brave. I just want to curl up into a fetal position and wave my white flag. Letting go feels impossible.

I’m listening to this song, reminding me of the grace on the other side:

That and I made last night are keeping me together. You should skip the soup and just make the croutons.

I think I should award one of these to myself as my children’s school year draws to a close.  I don’t think a blue ribbon is in order exactly.  Too many mistakes were made.  Too much yelling I regretted the minute I let it explode out of my mouth.  Not enough pictures taken.  So few, in fact, I am kind of appalled.  Late for nursery school every single morning but three or four the whole year.  I know, I know, I hear you reassuring me, it doesn’t really matter if you’re on time for nursery school.  But still, you’d think I’d get the morning routine down after say, 200 days of doing it?

Since I have long since given up the idea of doing things perfectly, I think it’s fitting (necessary, even), to give recognition for a job done the very best that you could.  Where you learned as you went, made the same mistakes twice, three times even, but wake up (at 5:30 am, no less), and try again.  Though it would be a stretch to call myself a morning person, I am surprised to find that after another school year of getting up so early, it has gotten easier.  Honestly, for a long time there, every morning when my alarm went off at a time with a five handle, my very soul would beg for mercy.  But we’re coming along nicely, me and my soul that like to sleep to a more humane hour.  For that alone, I’d say an emerald green ribbon is in order.  The fact that I have also managed to be a mostly nice person for my children to wake up to in the morning is the clincher.  Oh and the feeding them, clothing them, driving them, making everything in their lives possible, blah blah blah.

The school year will end in a flurry of activity in the next two weeks and we will most likely glide quietly, happily, into balmy summer. This is what happens every year.  I always mean to take a moment to pause and reflect on the year, but somehow crawl across the finish line of the school year instead.  We who are raising children measure our lives in school years.  Just think of all that life that happens between September and June!  This year I’m going to order ribbons and award the following:

To , an orange ribbon.  One, because it’s his favorite color, but more importantly, for learning to wear underwear, for loving nursery school, for pressing on and insisting on trying to keep up with his big brothers despite the fact that we can’t help but call him “the baby”.  Because despite his insistence on how big he is, he keeps all of us honest with his three-year-old way of  seeing everything as new and possible.  Not to mention he is just plain squeezable and delicious.

will get the gold ribbon.  He is a gem of a kid.  Because he is harder on himself than we would ever dream of being, he gets the gold for believing us when we tell him to ease up, that there are more important things than how you did on your math test.  He has taken on the job of putting James to bed a few nights a week.  He gets a ribbon for how my heart swells when I overhear him whispering kindly to his three-year old brother, “Here, let me fix your blanket for you”.  And because he asks at bedtime like, “What’s stronger: the thing that can’t be broken by anything or the thing that can break everything?”  

is the one who’s been on this road with us the longest.  Though I hate to admit it, we for sure make the most mistakes with him.  Every stage we enter with him is a place we’ve never been.  Thomas will get a teal ribbon for enduring this and for his even, easy-going nature.  We keep making mistakes as we’re figuring things out and he keeps being just fine.  Phew.  When his dad and I are feeling our most lost in how to support him and we wring our hands with worry about how this will all turn out, we have taken to repeating this mantra: he’s such a good kid he’s such a good kid he’s such a good kid.  Because he is.  Kind, decent, naturally friendly.  He also deserves recognition for stoically tending the goal in lacrosse for his first season ever, (I personally think that takes a special kind of person), and for his first major crush who broke up with him a few short weeks later.  When she broke up with him, he said simply, “I understand”.  He took it like he takes all those impossibly hard rubber balls being pelted at him all spring.  Gracefully.

Ribbons found .

I’m thinking you probably don’t watch America’s Best Dance Crew (ABDC) on MTV.  But I do.  Me and MTV go way back.  I’m not exactly their demographic, but I’ve been with MTV since the very first day. Seriously.  The first day.  I remember standing in my family room watching the space shuttle launching video they played on rotation every, like, fifteen minutes.  The Video Killed the Radio Star video that looked like it was made for $100 with a hand-held camera?  I had the same feeling that day that I had the first time my dad took me and my brother to see the first Star Wars movie:  that I was seeing something epic.  Same goes for the clip I’m bringing to you today.

Like I said, you may not watch Randy Jackson’s ABDC, but maybe you do.  It seems kind of random, maybe?  One day , another day, Krumping.  But this my blog, I get to be random, talk about all the things that make my joy bubble to the surface.  Because that is really what Lovesome is about for me.  Keeping myself in the joy game.  Sometimes I stray.  I have my .  But when I see something and I get chills, I know I’ve got to share it.

A little background:  This sixth season of the show is “Season of the Superstars”.  The crew in the video is Street Kingdom, a co-ed, Los Angeles krumping crew.  Their “captain”, Tight-eyez, is credited with being the originator of krumping, so it’s kind of huge that he’s on the show.

I don’t know what I believe about God these days, but I know the spirit moving through the body when I see it.

I wish the video quality was better for you, but this was the best one I found.

Hope you enjoy (and try not to trip and fall in host Mario Lopez’s dimples):

*To see all the crews, go .*

*To learn more about krumping, go *

Am I the only one who loves me a little Roachford “Cuddly Toy”?  Oh, I get it, you like to keep that dirty little secret  to yourself.  Stay in the closet, if you will.  Far be it for me to out someone when it comes to 80′s music.  It was a tough time, I know.  All those synthesizers and big hair and acid washed high waisted jeans.  We would all like to pretend it never happened.  There were some gems to come out of that time, though.  Maybe it’s my *fortieth* birthday coming up, (shhhh. . . don’t say that too loud), but I’ve been getting a tad nostalgic.

Check out Roachford getting down with his own bad self.  You’ve just got to respect a guy who wears full body denim.  While you’re in denial, I’ll be blasting Cuddly Toy (with the shades drawn) during one of our now nightly dance parties sharing the brilliance of Roachford with a new generation.  I bet you forgot how much you love this song.

Some 80′s GOLD from me to you.  You’re welcome. Happy Friday.


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