Aug 4
The Real Work
It may be that when we no longer know what to do
we have come to our real work,
and that when we no longer know which way to go
we have come to our real journey.
The mind that is not baffled is not employed.
The impeded stream is the one that sings.
from Standing by Words. © 1983
Sep 8
“There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open.”
Sep 7
Or for me, welcome back to having a life. The summer was. . . taxing. Love my boys I sure do, and we all needed that respite from our scheduled lives. But let me say here, loud and clear, I now know, with one hundred percent certainty, that structure and schedules are my friend. Do you hear me, structure and schedules? I love you. With all my heart. Please wave this post in my face when I’m whining about it in March.
One thing that happened over the summer is that I turned the corner off the thirties, and now walk proudly on fortieth street. Which is to say, I turned FORTY. I didn’t much feel like writing about it at the time, was far too busy being angsty for about the six months preceding the big day. Turns out the actual birthday was not such a big deal. And it was, indeed, happy. I got to have dinner with some of my most lovely friends, met my husband for cozy afternoon tea downtown right before. I felt pretty much the same as I did the day before, maybe even a little more peaceful, slightly more grateful. I still have my moments of quiet desperation, that feeling like I’m running out of time and can not do one thing to slow it down. I’d say I better get used to that feeling. Welcome her in and offer her the most comfortable chair in the house.
A list of a few things I am enjoying at the moment:
Jul 20
A few months back, I came across a post from Goop offering sample schedules of high-powered, highly successful, working mothers, a day in the life, if you will.
It kind of set me off, honestly. Made me feel like a slouch. During the school year, I’m just trying to figure out how to workout/get to the grocery store/maybe write a blog post/figure out the meaning of life/be on time for nursery school pick-up. Though I admire their accomplishments, I think maybe these aren’t “my women”, you know?
So maybe I will never be the woman buying all birthday gifts in advance for the year, wrapped, filed, ready to go. And maybe my evening plans won’t include meeting up with Stella McCartney for a little “girlfriend time” after the kids go to bed. Or fittings with a stylist. I did make a mental note, however, that the equation seems to be this: extremely organized+ structured days=highly productive. Good childcare figures in heavily.
The post was like candy, kind of enjoyable but in the end kind of made me feel bad. I couldn’t resist it, though, as I am always wondering how the heck everyone else is doing this, whether they are working, working part-time, not working. Don’t you really want to peek into other women’s days, to see what they’re doing and how they’re doing it? Is that just me?
From my small cross-section of friends, two things have become clear: one, everyone else is just trying to figure this out, too, and two, no arrangement is perfect. Oh, and that it changes over time. Just when you’ve found an arrangement that is working, a babysitter moves on/your career plans change/your now older children need you in different ways/summer comes, et cetera. There is no such thing as “having it all”. We are constantly making decisions about what is most important and what can go (at least for now).
I was so pleased when I came across the “My balance” series over at Cup of Jo. If you haven’t met Jo, you should pay her a visit. She has a lovely design-y blog. The series asks questions about work/life/parenting balance of many well-loved faces in the blog world. I’m kind of remedial as far as reading other blogs, but I was pleased to see that I was familiar with most of the women and admire the work they are doing.
If you, too, are fascinated with how women are making creative, productive work/family lives, check it out.
This one scared me a little (no offense, Jenny. But I need way more sleep than you).
But this and this made me feel like we’re all in this together.
P.S. In case you’re curious about MY balance, I started writing this while everyone was still asleep, but am finishing up having plied one child with my iPhone in the next room, soon after begging another child to give his littlest brother a bowl of cereal. Or anything. Please. Just five more minutes. . . .
Thanks to Dave Holmes for the video. He’s officially the most famous person from my college graduating class. Remember how he was the runner-up to stoner/anorexic Jesse Camp in the MTV I Wanna Be A VJ contest? Then went on to have a fruitful and ever-growing career while you ask me, Jesse Camp who? I enjoy Dave’s blog from time to time (see it here), but my favorite thing is this. Really love it.
This is not his child (pretty sure), nor mine (pretty sure). Though I may approach his parents and ask them if they’d consider letting me bottle and sell his enthusiasm and can-do attitude. Any time I’m not feeling quite up to something, I’m going to watch this video.
Oh my word, I just love this:
And the video of the “vandalism”:
Crochet On A Bear Statue from Jennifer Sharpe on Vimeo.
These “criminals” made me so happy! I like the part of the video where “Captain Hook” explains how she answers people who are incredulous that she spends her free time crocheting hoodies and whatnot for public statues. Something along the lines of, “I figure other people spend hours on Facebook. . . so why not this?” It made me think, again, of what do I want to be doing with my free time (alright, I don’t really have much of that these days, but still, everyone has some unspoken for time every week). I keep coming back to this idea that small acts of creativity are a really really good use of time.
I found this story at NPR online. To see full article, click here.
Apr 18
Neil at home with his wife
I came across this article in the NY Times back in March (find it here). I’ve been holding onto it unsure what to say about it, letting it steep.
The article is about writer Neil Selinger and his first book coming out, all against the backdrop of his ALS diagnosis two years ago. When I first read the article, I instantly recognized his name. We were in a writing class together at the Writing Institute at Sarah Lawrence a few years ago. I remember his first drafts of pieces that presumably became a part of his book, A Sloan Product (you can find it here). When I sat across from him, though, he bore no outward evidence of what I now know must have been newly diagnosed or soon to be diagnosed ALS. He was a recently retired lawyer with a kindly face and a soft voice. Like the rest of us, he was there to dip his toe in the writing pool, try out his stories and their telling on us, listen stoically to feedback.
The progress of his disease has been devastating. As the article describes, “Now, two years after a diagnosis of amyotrophic lateral sclerosis, Lou Gehrig’s disease, he has deteriorated with heartbreaking speed from cane to walker to wheelchair, to puréed food, an inability to speak and almost total immobility”. His friends and neighbors formed a group that takes turns cooking, driving, walking the dog. His writing group from Sarah Lawrence moved to his house. His mentor and members from the group read from his book at his book party as he could not.
So Neil’s story is tragic, yes, but fortunately, that’s never the whole story. There’s also the part about the light that glimmers in the darkest of places. How grace sidles up right next to calamity. The unexpected twists and turns of what’s up ahead, the stream of life carrying us to places we’d never imagined. How our bodies are so little of what we really are, how the spirit aches for expression. How you can’t keep a good story (or writer) down. In the vortex of the unraveling of his physical body, he finished his book while he could still type with one finger. He continues to write using a special machine that responds to his gaze. And probably my favorite, the goodness of people sticking by people: (from the article) “He thinks often of a Springsteen song with the lyrics: “And should I fall behind, wait for me.” He is amazed that so many people have”.
And this:
“There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in”.
Leonard Cohen
Mar 24
Sometimes we all need a little Naomi to get ourselves inspired.
Ahhhhhhh.
Feel better?
I do.
If you’d like to know more about Naomi, go here.
For one of my favorite poems by Naomi, visit here.
Mar 15
Mar 12
Please tell me I’m not the only nearly 40-year-old who DVR’s Glee every week? Besides featuring Ms. Paltrow this week, (to whom I’ve got to offer props for doing a damn fine job, much as I’d like to hate her, I just can’t), did everyone catch Kurt’s dad’s SEX TALK? My goodness– NICE JOB, KURT’S DAD. Keeping that one on file for when the time comes.
This one takes a few minutes, but this may be THE BEST PARENT SEX TALK EVER. Gay child, straight child, doesn’t matter. I think the writers got the message down. I got a little choked up. But that’s just me. I think Santana and I were both feeling a little emotional this week.
You can watch the clip here (if they haven’t taken it down yet because of copyright blah blah blah)
Click here if you’re a nerd like me and want to watch the whole episode.
“The Talk” starts at about 33.11 on video if you prefer to get right down to business.
Theme: Linen by The Theme Foundry
